Tag Archives: smoke

Smoke and Mirrors


Last week I had my first kitchen fire.

I was chopping vegetables when I heard the the oil I was heating ignite. I turned my head and saw the flames. No problem I thought, I’ll just grab the lid. I turned to grab the lid from the drying rack, turned back towards the pot and saw that the flames had TRIPLED in size.

That’s when I started to panic. I called Jay. He managed to get the lid on the pot and the fire died down. But that was far from the end of the ordeal. The top third of the kitchen was full of dark smoke. The fire alarm started to go off. That’s when my usefulness ended. I had to go stand on the balcony to avoid having a serious asthma attack.

I am torn. Half of my feels wonderful that I have a man who will protect me and help me when I need it. I am so grateful that I have someone in my life that I know I can rely on. I felt like a princess. The other half of me feels useless and pathetic; I couldn’t take care of the situation on my own due to my asthma. There was so much smoke I was forced to abandon the problem, even though it’s completely against my nature.

I’m one of those people who is great under pressure. Move my stuff out of it’s “spot” or leave crap all over the house and my OCD will freak out on you. But, when it’s serious and important I’m calm and collected. I have first aid training from multiple sources and have lots of practical knowledge. So, it stung a little to have to give up control and walk away.

Is my tough girl persona just smoke and mirrors? Am I really strong or am I ┬ájust weak and needy? I used to think I could do anything I wanted to if I set my mind to it. Since developing asthma I’ve had to accept that sometimes I am limited. No matter how badly I want the smoke to not bother me, I can’t control my asthma. I’m no longer the 100% unrestricted woman I used to be, although sometimes I like to test that theory. I often push the boundaries of my asthma by doing things like cleaning a little longer than I should. I’m just not ready for a blanket “I can’t.”