Up All Night


One thing I really don’t like about asthma is nighttime symptoms. I’m pretty lucky that my asthma is not primarily active at night, but sometimes it keeps me up.

One of the scariest feelings in the world is waking up gasping for air. It usually starts with a dream in which I can’t breathe and then I wake up having an attack. After a few of these episodes I started to be extra careful about making sure I’m symptom free before I go to bed.

Sometimes I still end up awake in the middle of the night waiting to feel better. It’s incredibly lonely. It’s times like this where the isolation of chronic illness really hits me. With my partner lying next to me, and all my friends asleep, I feel very alone.

I don’t think most people realise that having a chronic illness isn’t convenient. It doesn’t subside when you need to sleep, or on your vacation, or when that report is due. It wouldn’t be so maddening if you could turn it off for an hour. It’s kind of like living with a perpetual infant (without the babysitter).

All I can do is make sure I’m stable before I go to bed and keep my reruns of “Friends” close at hand. For now, I’m going to try and get some sleep.

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